Today's Reading

Charles, her ladyship has not filed a schedule today. There has been no lady of the house for seventeen years and twelve days.

Another tick. House, please confirm any specific dress instructions provided by her ladyship that might impact on the master's choice of clothes. And, when House confirmed that the same ladyship who hadn't been present for more than seventeen years had failed to give any such instructions, House, please relay the master's filed schedule to the lady of the house's maidservant.

House always took longer to consider that one, during which gap Charles could check whether Master had expressed any particular wishes as to which outfit to lay out for wearing around the house today. He had not.

Charles, no filed schedule is on record.

It was not true to say that Charles felt slightly surprised at this. Surprise was not one of the range of responses with which a robot valet was provided. He did register a discontinuity, because of course there was a daily schedule. He, Charles, always filed the daily schedule as part of his evening routine before deactivating for the night. He checked the record where he should have filed it. House was correct. Charles had failed to do so.

There were always protocols, even for the unexpected. House, I wish to report a fault. Either I have failed to file a daily schedule or the system has failed to record it. Please investigate.

This time there was no delay. Charles, fault reporting has been disabled for this issue. Kindly refer to the special instructions mediating your evening task queue.

Charles did so and discovered that, more than two hundred days ago, his master had shouted at him quite aggressively that there was no 'point' filing daily schedules over and over when he never did anything, so he may as well delete it as why should either he or Charles bother?

Being a sophisticated service model, Charles could appreciate that a more efficient solution to his master's ire would have been to delete the original instruction to file a schedule. House, being a far more sophisticated majordomo system, was also aware of this. Neither had the authority to overrule the master's instructions, so the only workaround had been to file and then delete the schedule each evening, leaving Charles mildly disconcerted each morning when House informed him that no schedule was on record.

His moment of discontinuity salved, Charles queried the effect of having no filed schedule and proceeded according to revised protocol. House, please inform the lady of the house's maidservant that there is no filed schedule of the master's activities for today.

Charles, confirmed. And, after the usual pause, I am unable to locate the active mailbox of the lady of the house's maidservant. Your message has gone undelivered. But that was not Charles' problem. His duty was just to send. That was all it said in his task queue. God was in His heaven, and all was right with the world.

After that, he laid out slippers and dressing gown for Master's rising, and stepped back on cue to allow one of the faceless drones from the kitchens to arrive with a properly calibrated cup of tea. He preloaded Master's morning tablet with the subscribed reading list of articles, periodicals, opinion pieces, and advertizements and presented himself at his master's bedside, the first face to be seen.

Charles had worn a variety of faces in service. Fashions came and went. He had been human in a coldly perfect way when that was what people had wanted from their servants. He had been human in an imperfect and flawed way when people had looked for something a little less intimidating and uncanny valley. He had been silver chrome and shiny, so that three other less resplendent servants had been required to maintain his finish. He had looked into a mirror and seen eyes as perfect as those they used to replace defective human orbs with, or a holographic visage of a kindly old man, or just a mirror mirroring the mirror into infinity. Humans sometimes asked which he would prefer, and he'd resorted to the manufacturer's standard line about service models having no desire but to serve. Which in itself was not true, because even that wasn't a desire, just the way that he was made.

Currently he had a white plastic face on, merely the suggestions of regular features, blank orbs for eyes, an art deco curve for lips, expressing neither disdain nor pleasure. A single, fixed convexity of moulded plastic, impersonal as an unmarked grave. It is how Master likes it was able to coexist in Charles' records with the knowledge that Master frequently complained about the way Charles looked, but never got round to making any arrangements to have him changed.
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